Visit to the Pulmonologist
I saw my Pulmonologist today. She is a very sweet young Indian woman named Dr. Gupta. I told her how well things were going for me. I wanted to tell her that the reason I think things are going so well is that I have totally owned whatever symptoms I’ve had and sought to gather their meaning. (I wasn’t sure how this would go over so I held my tongue). I wanted to tell her that, although her machines suggest I probably have the dreaded COPD, my own trusted sources have made it very clear that I can alleviate all symptoms by creating space within the central channel of my body, and by bringing the “Heaven” of spirit together with the order of the earth, in the center of my being.
I wanted to tell her that, slowly but surely, something is working for me. The underlying joy and energy that I am experiencing is pushing my unconscious resistance (and the physical symptoms that it manifests) out. It hasn’t happened in a day but it is surely happening. There is an excitement and a joy in the energy that inhabits the spaces between my thoughts that is simply incompatable with the idea of “chronic” illness. I had a great time discussing with her the birth of her new son, whose Indian name I have now forgotten. I wish for her a great life of service in her chosen field. She has a good heart and I am sure that will carry her through any rough spots.
In her near death experience, the author Anita Moorjani (Dying to Be Me), saw how fear created her cancer. She never once suggested, however, that she should “blame” herself or judge herself because of this connection. It just was the way it was, but the whole idea of self-judgment, self loathing or any other such nonsense is totally alien to the perception of magnificence which she experienced. In the same way we can see how our body has recorded our various resistances in the form of “illness” while still cherishing ourselves. Self judgment is cut from the same cloth as the fear that created the symptoms in the first place. It only serves to compound the illusion.
So I continue to make friends with my “symptoms”. When they were roaring lions I tried to tame them with my whip and chair. That just made them more angry. Now I can scratch them on the neck and whisper lullabies in their ears. They are calming down and yielding to the energy that is the Source of all. Blessings and good health to everyone.