Anita Moorjani, author of Dying To Be Me, says that the most important lesson she learned from her near death experience was to love herself at the deepest level. In a real sense, my journey into healing has been a journey into this often hidden seed of self-love.
On paper I dont look that great. I have congestive heart failure, stage lll Kidney Disease, COPD, extreme hypertension, severe (bone on bone) arthritis in my right hip and moderate to severe arthritis in my left hip (not to mention post nasal drip and sleep apnea) . Then why on earth am I am smiling ? Indeed nothing about this story is “bad news”. It is all very good news! The reason is that for many months I have had no symptoms at all; except for my hip (and I am working on that).
This hasn’t always been the case. For long months I coughed so much (and so deeply) that people would turn and stare at me in the supermarket. My cough was so incessant I could hardly talk. I had to wait for it to subside so I could squeeze some words out, before it kicked back in again. (This made things very difficult when ordering at the Deli counter). It was a powerful, explosive cough that came from somewhere deep in my gut. Worse than the cough was the incessant wheeze. The cough would provide some relief, but the wheeze would just lead to frustration. It was so loud that you could actually hear it 3 feet away! Fortunately at night, it would usually subside if I rolled from one side to the other; otherwise the noise would keep me awake.
Then there was the dyspnea; the sense that I was not getting enough air into my lungs. I wasn’t gasping for breath; but I often had this uncomfortable feeling that I didn’t have enough air. This is quite scary and can wear you down. There was also this awful gurgling in my chest; like a boiling teapot. For several nights a week, I would have the same argument with myself over whether I should call the ER. I managed to avoid this most of the time because, frankly, I knew there wasn’t much they were going to do for me.
The post nasal drip was not supposed to be as serious as the other “conditions”, yet it probably drove me the most crazy. Imagine the feeling of having to clear your throat 24/7. Mucus is very helpful when it does what it is supposed to do. It is not supposed to pour down the back of your throat from the minute you get up until you finally fall asleep. Then there was the weakness in the chest; the sense that my breath would not allow me to walk as far as I wanted to. There were swollen ankles, a pile of pillows so I could sleep (eventually I just raised the head of my bed up which was a lot easier on my neck), stratospheric blood pressure readings which on a good day would send most people to the ER, and of course my high anxiety levels.
I can truthfully say that this is all behind me now. I packed up the nebulizer a long time ago (it never did me any good anyway) and stored the inhalers. Except for some discomfort in my hip, I am completely symptom free, and have been for many months. The medical tests (Creatinine, Cholesterol, Blood Pressure, etc) are all showing consistently strong improvement.
I can’t give you a magic formula for how I got better. I definitely, however, resonate with what Anita Moorjani says about how her fear created her cancer. I can tell you that I have been slowly coming to grips with how my own fear-based patterns have been blocking the flow of the magnificent energy which is what I am. I came to understand that my cough was the result of my deeply rooted fear of having my voice heard in this world. I came to see that my stratospheric blood pressure and subsequent heart failure were the result of resistance to the energy which was constantly trying to course through me. I came to experience how taking a risk, and expressing my soul in the world, uplifted me and made me rise above my symptoms. The encouraging responses I received taught me that the part of me which I usually kept hidden was loved and appreciated. Expressing my soul was, I believe, raising my vibration, exciting my cells, and increasing my capacity to heal. Finally, I came to realize that my body was the supreme messenger. It was telling me that, at least in this embodiment, I was running out of time to make excuses, blame others, escape, and hide my light under the proverbial bushel basket.
Here I stand (still a little bit wobbly on my right hip). My channelled friends (The Ones With No Names who work with Flo Aeveia Magdalena), have explained the need to move energy through the right side of my body, and I am working on this. It is an interesting situation because there is not supposed to be a “cure” for bone on bone arthritis. Baloney. They told Anita’s husband, Danny, that she wouldn’t last the night.
I wish to say that I love you. With all my infuriating “faults” I love you all. And more importantly, I am falling in love with myself.